


Behind the Mask

by xxSoRixx



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Beta Read, Post-Tales of Xillia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 09:11:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7885159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxSoRixx/pseuds/xxSoRixx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alvin has no control over his emotions when he's drunk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind the Mask

**Author's Note:**

> It's been three years since I've written properly I don't actually know what I'm doing

It’s a quarter to midnight when Jude get’s a call from Yurgen requesting him to pick Alvin up from the bar in Duval. He takes a couple of minutes to tidy up the loose ends of his report before heading out but it doesn’t take long before he arrives to find Alvin draped at the edge of the bar counter, completely hammered.

He’s quite surprised, really. He has to do a double take before his mind registers that it’s really _Alvin_ who’s lying on the countertop. Alvin’s never once gotten _tipsy_ in front of Jude before, what with his high alcohol tolerance and all. That, and perhaps the fact that Alvin always assumed the role of a responsible adult when he brought Jude along for drinks—he’d never allow Jude to take even a sip of his beer and had been furious the one time a potential client slipped some rum into Jude’s orange juice (that particular business plan hadn’t gone through in the end).

So to say that this is a ‘rare sight’ would be quite the understatement. 

“Ah, Jude!” Yurgen calls out from the seat beside Alvin. “Thanks for coming. I’m afraid Alvin’s overdone it a little tonight.”

Jude walks over to them and peers over Alvin’s sleeping figure. His face is completely flushed. “So I’ve noticed.” 

“Sorry to have to trouble you with this,” Yurgen says sheepishly. “I would take him to the inn I’m staying at but I’ve got an early trip to Rieza Maxia tomorrow. I won’t be able to take care of him when he gets up.” Yurgen glances over at Alvin with a concerned look. “And I think he may need a little help in the morning.”

Jude doesn’t doubt that. He’s already thinking about the amount of painkillers Alvin’s going to need in a couple of hours’ time. “It’s no problem,” Jude assures, “tomorrow’s my day off anyways.” Leaning against the countertop, he shifts his gaze over to Alvin. “Did something happen though? I don’t normally see Alvin like this.”

“Ah…” Yurgen falters as his eyebrows knit together. “It’s been a bit… of a _rough_ day for Alvin,” he says carefully, his face thoughtful. He seems to be deciding what to say. “A mishap with a client… Even though he says he’s not affected…” Yurgen sighs and shakes his head to dismiss that idea. “That’s not just it though, I imagine the anniversary of his mother’s passing is also playing a part in his... Current condition. He’s been a little out of sorts since last month.”

Jude frowns at the mention of Alvin’s mother. Her death anniversary had been about a month ago and other than the day of the anniversary itself, Alvin appeared to have been just fine. But then again, Jude’s been swamped with work over the past couple of weeks and once Alvin proved to be okay, he hasn’t seen much of him. Jude mentally kicks himself for not seeing through Alvin’s façade. No matter how clever Alvin was with lies he really should’ve noticed sooner.

“I see…” Jude’s voice is quiet and he knows that his expression must be pretty grim from the sympathetic look Yurgen’s giving him. The other Rieze Maxian gives him a gentle pat on the shoulder before attempting to rouse Alvin from his slumber.

It isn’t easy. It takes at least four rough shakes and multiple calls before Alvin’s eyes peep open but once he’s awake, Alvin’s giggling and babbling incoherent nonsense and whining about getting more sleep. It’s difficult to understand what he’s saying, but never having seen Alvin portray this sort of behaviour before, Jude find’s himself quite curious to listen to what the man has to say. Yurgen, on the other hand, isn’t interested at all and he proceeds to explain to Alvin about their upcoming arrangements without acknowledging any of Alvin’s gabble.

The explanation flies right over Alvin who seems to be a lot more interested in the lamp that burns dimly in the corner. He continues to talk over Yurgen and it’s rude and somewhat unsightly but he’s too distracted by his own drunken reverie to care. It’s only when he notices Jude’s presence that his bubbly mood comes to an abrupt halt—his eyes widen in surprise when he meets Jude’s amber eyes—before it continues to take a sour turn. Suddenly he’s no longer prattling or complaining, in fact he’s not speaking at all, and his carefree expression is replaced with a perpetual frown. This time round he actually listens to Yurgen, albeit sulkily, and doesn’t protest when the older Rieze Maxian helps him along to the train platform.

“I’ll take it from here,” Jude says to Yurgen when the last train arrives and reaches out to slip his arm round Alvin’s back. Yurgen nods and he carefully transfers Alvin’s weight over to Jude, only letting go when he’s sure that Jude’s got a good grip. Alvin looks like he wants to say something during their exchange but he doesn’t, and instead his frown just deepens. He allows Jude to help him walk to the seats, and almost trips once along the way.

On the train Alvin is completely silent and he just glares resolutely out the window to avoid eye contact with Jude. It only lasts a couple of minutes because soon enough he’s nodding off again and he looks a little less angry when Jude gently shakes him awake at Trigleph station.

Alvin barely registers anything in his drunken stupor and only realises that they’re standing at the doorway to his flat when Jude is calling out to him for the keys. He slurs ‘right pocket’ and the next thing he knows is that he’s lying down on something plush— _my sofa_ , he realises belatedly—and that there’s some noise coming from the kitchen.

Jude returns shortly to Alvin’s side with a glass of water in hand. “Here, drink this,” Jude orders as he helps Alvin sit upright. Alvin downs the whole glass in a single helping and places the glass onto the coffee table in front of him before staring down at the carpeted floor. He doesn’t say anything. It doesn’t seem like he’s in the mood to talk.

Jude, however, has _many_ things he wants to query on since his short exchange with Yurgen but after some consideration decides to address these issues later, when Alvin’s gotten some much needed rest and there’s less alcohol in his system. Jude ushers Alvin to his bedroom and it takes two calls before he responds by allowing Jude to sling his arm around Jude’s shoulder. 

With the soft glow of moonlight streaming through the windows, there’s enough light to navigate through Alvin’s bedroom without having to turn the lights on so it saves Jude the hassle of reaching out for the switch whilst keeping Alvin upright. He leads Alvin across the room and only releases his hold on the older man once they’re both sitting at the edge of the bed. 

“Alvin you should get some sleep,” Jude suggests but Alvin doesn’t budge. His eyes are still glued to the floor and he continues to remain silent. He’s barely said anything since the moment he saw Jude at the bar. 

Jude purses his lips and just observes Alvin as he contemplates on what to do. He’s not entirely sure how to handle Alvin in his current state. Usually it’s _Alvin_ who has plenty to say and even when he’s upset he always manages to throw in a joke, granted that it’s only to mask his own vulnerability. The Alvin right now is a far cry from the normal Alvin. He’s moody and sulky and the way he’s refused to meet Jude’s gaze the whole evening suggests that he’s frustrated about something but he won’t say what. It reminds Jude a lot of how Alvin was after their fight at Hamil—lost, confused, angry—and just the thought of it leaves an ache in Jude’s chest.

Jude eventually decides to smoothen the tension a little by making small talk. “So it looks like you’ve had quite a night,” he tries as he leans back to rest on his palms. But Alvin doesn’t take the bait, doesn’t insert a jest to help the conversation along like he normally would. Jude presses on. “I couldn’t believe it when Yurgen said that _you_ were drunk. I honestly thought he was joking at first.”

Still nothing.

A few minutes of silence passes between them before Jude cautiously reaches out to place his hand on top of Alvin’s. Alvin flinches at his touch but doesn’t reject it. “What’s wrong, Alvin?”

At first, Alvin doesn’t reply. He just lets out a deep sigh and buries his head in his hands, pulling away from Jude. Jude waits patiently for him to answer.

The words that finally come are muffled. “—you?”

“What?” Jude leans in a little, eyes never leaving Alvin’s hunched figure. 

“Why did it have to be _you_?” Alvin’s voice is so small, so pained, but Jude’s so taken aback by the question itself that he almost doesn’t notice.

“What do you mean?” he asks with a frown and he involuntarily leans in closer. When Alvin doesn’t respond, Jude tries again. “Alvin?” 

Alvin clicks his tongue and turns sharply to glare at Jude—their first eye-contact since the bar—and suddenly he’s lashing out, his frustrations spilling into the open. “I _mean_ , why the hell did Yurgen call _you_ of all people to come and get me tonight?” Alvin’s voice is loud and the slur in his sentences are long-gone. “I’d prefer it if he’d just left me outside the bar than to go through this—this _humiliation_!”

The words are harsh and cold, they pierce into Jude’s heart and although deep down he knows that it’s likely it’s just the alcohol talking, that Alvin doesn’t mean it, he still has to take a moment before he can try to shrug off their implications. The hurt he feels is probably evident on his face because the anger in Alvin’s eyes immediately dissipates and is replaced with guilt.

“Look, kid, I—” Alvin’s face falls and he lowers his gaze in remorse. “—I’m sorry, like you said, it’s been quite a night.” He rubs his face with his palm and sighs before burying his head in his hands once more. “I’m sorry, I—” Alvin shakes his head and lets out another heavy sigh.

Seeing Alvin crouching miserably like that makes Jude think of all the pain and suffering the Elympion had gone through over the years and how he’s always hidden it behind his trademark smirks. It’s so rare to see Alvin so defenceless that when he finally does, Jude finds himself almost breathless from the pain eats away at his chest. “Alvin,” Jude calls out softly. “It’s okay.” He gently places his hand onto Alvin’s back to rub soothing circles but is surprised to find that Alvin’s trembling.

Jude looks at Alvin, alarmed. Alvin’s face is completely covered by his hands so it’s hard to tell for sure, but by the tremor in his body and his hitched breathing, can it be— 

Is Alvin… _Crying_?

It’s this realisation that leads Jude to conclude that despite his coherent speech and the loss of redness on his cheeks, Alvin is still _very_ much drunk. Alvin rarely _ever_ cries in front of people and it leaves Jude at a loss for what to do. His first instinct is to wrap his arms around the older man but he resists this urge in fear of aggravating him and instead gets up to search for some tissues. He doesn’t get far, however, for he’s immediately pulled back by Alvin’s arms that latch round his waist and he falls straight into Alvin’s lap, his back against the brunet’s chest.

“Don’t go,” Alvin pleads, and the way his voice breaks ever so slightly makes Jude’s throat tighten. 

Jude tries to turn around to properly look at him but is unable to because he perches his head onto Jude’s shoulder at this very moment. “Alvin—”

“Please,” he mumbles into Jude’s hair. “Please don’t go, Jude, I’m—I’m sorry, I’m so, very—” 

“Alvin,” Jude says firmly as he squeezes Alvin’s hand in reassurance. “Alvin, it’s okay, I’m not going anywhere.” 

Alvin’s quiet for a few seconds before he tightens his grip on Jude’s waist, drawing him closer, and it seems like the dam breaks because the next moment he’s apologising profusely over and over again, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” and sobs wrack through his large frame, his warm tears pooling into fabric around Jude’s shoulder. Jude just allows him to cry, allows him to release the emotions he normally keeps within himself because after everything the man’s been through over the years, he really needs to let it all out. 

Once Alvin’s stopped crying, Jude carefully pries himself from Alvin’s hold only to gingerly lay the man down on the bed before he rolls to lie down next to him. He pulls Alvin into an embrace and gently strokes the brown hair whilst he murmurs soothing words. Alvin visibly relaxes in Jude’s arms and before long the frown on his tear-stained face fades and he drifts off to sleep. Jude continues to run his fingers through Alvin’s hair regardless as he gazes tenderly at Alvin’s sleeping face. 

It’s clear to Jude that there’s more than just the day’s events troubling Alvin. His mother’s death had taken a real toll on him and although he tries to cover it up—as he does with everything he considers a sign of ‘weakness’—Alvin’s got to learn that it’s okay to lean on people every now and then. He’s got people he can trust now, after all, and Jude’s going to prove to him that he’s definitely one of them. Jude knows that it’s not going to be an easy task to get him to rely on others after going through life the way he has, and that it’s probably going to take a while before Alvin will allow Jude to relieve any of his past burdens, but Jude’s going to try, even if it means taking one small step at a time.

And hopefully, today will be that small step.

There’s going to be a lot they have to discuss, for sure. A lot of Jude’s questions are currently left unanswered as it is. There’s the issue with Alvin’s mother and also the tiff with the client, and the way Alvin pleaded Jude not to go suggests that there’s something more to it than just wanting Jude physically by his side.

But these are issues he’ll deal with in the morning after Alvin’s gotten a full night’s rest (and probably a massive hangover along with it). 

For now, he’s content with just holding Alvin in his arms as he waits for dawn to come. He leans in to brush his lips on Alvin’s forehead and whispers,

“Goodnight, Alvin.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Basically I just wanted to write about Alvin being an emotional wreck when he's drunk;;
> 
> It's been like two years since I've played this game so if I've gotten some of the game-facts wrong it's because my memory's pretty rusty. Feel free to let me know if I did though so I can keep it for future reference!
> 
> I'm thinking of writing another Aruju fic but we'll see, I'm actually quite nervous about posting this one up as it is. That's what happens when you don't write for years, folks, the insecurities for writing just piles up and up and up--
> 
> Anyways, that's enough of my rambling. Thanks for reading this and feedback is highly appreciated!


End file.
